


In Which Mel Wears Red Lipstick, Em Drives Like a War Boy, and Demons Ruin Date Night

by BeesandBaobabs



Category: Auideas - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demons, Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Auideas, Demon Hunters AU, Demon fighting, Magic and Science, lowkey supernatural references, or something along those lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 05:19:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6840520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeesandBaobabs/pseuds/BeesandBaobabs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because no, I couldn't go enjoy a night out on the town with my favorite datemate. Nope. We had to get called away to fight demons after we had purchased our popcorn and tickets because the universe just works in mysterious ways like that.</p><p>A Prequel to "Post-Battle Recovery" by ghostiejams.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Mel Wears Red Lipstick, Em Drives Like a War Boy, and Demons Ruin Date Night

There was an 85% chance that the universe was homophobic, because there was no other reason why it would be trying so hard to keep ruining my date night with Em so often. Because no, I couldn’t enjoy a night out on the town and go see a cheesy superhero movie without being interrupted by some sort of magical catastrophe. The universe – in all of its divine and shit eating glory – had to be like “okay but what if there was a Demon Summoning Alert (DSA) while they were on the way to the movies? And then they would have to go take care of that instead of enjoying a peaceful night together as total platonic pals. Or better yet, send the DSA to them after they’ve already purchased their tickets and popcorn. Yes. Perfect.” 

I was sitting in the car’s passenger seat as Em tore through the city streets, trying to play it cool as they took every turn with the ferocity of a War Boy – I half expected Em to shout “VAHALLA!” out of the open sunroof. “I’m not trying to be a backseat driver, but don’t you think that” – something in the truck’s flatbed was flung against the wall with a solid thunk and I winced – “maybe you should slow down, just a little bit.” 

“Slow down? I’m not even 10 miles over the speed limit,” Em joked, not taking their eyes off of the road. “Besides, it’s not every night that we get an alert for a demon summoning.” 

“Em. We get a summoning alert at least once a week. This is probably just some hoedunky country kids in a basement, getting fancy with an Ouija board and some candles and trying to do it for the vine—“

“But a demon summoning,” they said, putting emphasis on the final word, as if that explained everything. 

I hated demons. If I had to choose between being eaten alive by a chimera – something that was highly unpleasant – or dealing with demons, I would choose the chimera. I would even wear a meat suit and lie provocatively on the ground while I waited for the chimera to eat me; that’s how much I hated demons. 

Rocketing down the street, my phone’s GPS beeped, telling me that we were getting close to the address. “Destination coming up on your left, there’s a parking garage the next block up.” 

“Parking garages? Where we’re going, we don’t need parking garages.”

I hadn’t registered the pun – Em making bad puns? Unheard of – before Em braked sharply, twisting the wheel so that the car almost ran up onto the sidewalk. The kits in the truckbed jumped and banged against the wall, but I didn’t hear any crashes. 

“This is why most of our paycheck goes to car repairs,” I groaned, loosening my death grip on the ‘oh shit’ handle. “I’m driving on the way back.” 

But Em was already out of the car, looping around to the back of the truck to grab the gear bags. I opened up the glove department, pushing aside packets of soy sauce and old Dunkin’ Doughnut wrappers to get to the perfume bottles full of holy water that I kept hidden in there. 

It’s always good to keep some form of holy water on hand. There are way too many instances where I’ve been pulled over by a police officer, then when I roll down my window they try to drag me out of the car by my hair and eat my face off because surprise, they’re totally an angry demon or fairy or whatever in disguise and out for revenge. Even if you’re attacked by a human, spraying water in their face can still buy you a few seconds of time to get away. 

Vials in hand, I stepped out of the car and found Em already waiting for me by the door that we were about to break down. Em looked grim and giddy all at the same time; their face was set into their trademark “not-quite-deadpan-but-not-quite-smiling-or-scowling” look, but they were bouncing on their heels in a way that meant that they were itching to punch something in the face. 

“You ready for this? Or do we need to go over the attack plan one more time before we get in there?” Em handed me my gear bag – a repurposed makeup bag – and I began stuffing the vials of holy water into it. “I already tried the door and it’s locked. I was thinking that we should try knocking first, then maybe bring out the power tools if we can’t get inside.” 

I looked at the doorway. It was identical to all of the other doors lining the alleyway: metal, solid looking, and slightly ominous. There was a peephole in the center, which gave me an idea. 

From my makeup bag, I took out my pocket mirror and quickly swiped on a fresh layer of lipstick – bright red and blessed by a priest. Then, taking my hair out of its bun, I parted it to the side and have Em my most winning smile. “Actually, let me take care of us getting inside.” 

Em raised their eyebrows at me. “Seriously, you’re going to pull the femme card in the middle of a DSA?” 

“Well how were you planning on getting in?” I jerked a thumb at the door. “The Hot Girl trick has always worked in the past.”

“Yeah, but you were wearing my ‘I make Chemistry puns periodically’ shirt.” 

I look down and yep. I had totally forgotten that I had snatched Em’s shirt off of the floor before we left. It wasn’t like I left the house every evening dressed and ready to fight demons – unlike Em. “Okay, so what’s plan B?”

“Good old fashioned ‘Hello we are monster hunter and we heard that there was some demon summoning shenanigans going on in this here establishment. Would you please let us in so that we can kick ass and then go home?’”

Shrugging, I started to French braid my hair so that it would be out of the way for the oncoming fight. “Sure, knock yourself out. I’ll be finished by the time you’re getting us inside.” 

By the time that I had gotten my hair all braided and tamed, Em had already flashed their official FBI employed Monster Hunter license, gotten the person at the door to open up, and then kicked the living stuffing out of the doorkeeper when he had gone to pull out his gun. Pushing the gun away with a boot, Em looked back at me with something that was almost like impatience. 

“Are you finished yet, darling?” The added ‘darling’ was a very subtle ‘fuckface’ in disguise, but it was a loving ‘fuckface.’ 

I tossed my braid back over my shoulder and snorted, taking out my twin fighting wands. “Okay, let’s not get overdramatic or anything. Get your head in the game, Troy Ballton.” 

“It’s Troy Bolton,” Em said as we walked through the darkened doorway together, my wands’ light leading the way as we descended into the belly of the beast.

**Author's Note:**

> I finished it! I read ghostiejam's "Post-Battle Recovery" and I just had to write something based off of it. Not too much romance-y feel-y type stuff, but that's just my writing style? I guess? Anywho, I had fun writing this and I may or may not come back and write a little 300 word thing about the demon fight because yes. demon fighting. 
> 
> Link to PBR: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6792652


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